She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
