Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
