If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Randomize
