Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
