Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
