I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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