party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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