dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
