new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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