Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
