operation harelip BJ is a go
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
