we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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