I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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