Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
