I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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