Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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