Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
