I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I see more hoeing in ur future
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