From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
