No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
