Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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