How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
