i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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