youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
zippers are such a cool invention
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
