I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
