yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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