my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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