but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
