just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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