becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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