If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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