i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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