I'm eating all of the evidence.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
