we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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