hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
