My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
it's like heaven, but drunker
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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