and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
