No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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