dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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