dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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