why didn't you poke me back
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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