Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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