I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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