If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
