the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
