Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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