whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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