There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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