Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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