my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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