My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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