...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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