i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
