Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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