I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
