So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
