I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
